Communication after Separation

Communication after Separation

By Connie Shelley

If you and your spouse are separating, this may be a very emotional and stressful time for you both. Even more so if there are children involved.

Nonetheless, communication after separation does not have to involve huge disagreements and exchanges of nasty text messages, it can be done in an amicable and positive way if both parties want to, particularly where there are children involved.

Here are some top tips and useful sources for healthy communication after separation.

Short, business-like messages only when required

This could be to arrange handovers of the children or updates on how they are getting on at school. No emotion needs to be portrayed in these messages as this will only ignite impulsive responses.

There needs to be a clear point to each message rather than a long wordy paragraph which in reality will not change the situation and likely lose the main point of the message.

Have a set of rules and boundaries for communication to prevent further arguments, particularly if new spouses are now involved

No drunken messages after a few glasses of wine … this will only cause further upset for all involved.

Come up with an agreement where you both feel heard and accept the terms you have written. This will allow you to have something physical to reference when you are going through a very difficult time.

Use a communication app

If you have tried to communicate and set boundaries but are still struggling with effective communication, consider using a communication app which can be downloaded to your phone.

The Family Wizard App is designed to help separated parents develop healthy communication for their children. This app is approved by the Family Courts and encourages clear co-parenting communication rather than the classic blame game.

You can create shared calendars, share files and documents and produce schedules to avoid any confusion and prevent unnecessary disruption.

This has proven a very successful tool particularly where there have previously been co-parenting struggles.

You can explore more about the app here –

Consider counselling

If both parties cannot agree, especially if one party still has unresolved feelings regarding the separation, this could be very useful for all involved.

Counselling does not need to be seen as a tool to fix the relationship but can be used to learn healthy ways of navigating through the separation and start the healing process. Counselling can be used in whichever way the parties need and can go on for as long or as little as you wish.

When finding a counsellor, always be careful and check they are an accredited professional. Ask them questions and what professional body they are registered with.

The Counselling Directory is a trustworthy directory to use for your search –

Just remember that the difficult stage will pass and if you are both in agreement to work together, you will be able to effectively move forward.

If you need any legal advice or assistance with your separation, our Family Team at Everys can help.

We offer a fixed-fee one-hour appointment where we can discuss your situation in detail and provide expert advice. Please call our team free on 0800 8840 640 or alternatively complete our online enquiry form and a member of the team will contact you –